Crazy

Whew. That was all I could say for a few days. WHEW. I came out of a really tough deadline and I still can't believe I managed to pull it off. After almost literally dying, I learned I had to finish not 5 but NINE pages in just a few days. Needless to say I got pretty rattled. But I just closed my eyes and just jumped into it. I felt I just had to finish it, there was no question about it. It felt like a small victory when I finished everything... perhaps maybe a day or so late, but I finished it. And I think I'm pretty happy with myself.

Sandy of Comic Odyssey wrote to me and told me we have a signing for this book we've just finished sometime next month. And I think I'm OK enough to go. It's been a long time since I've been to any kind of comic book thing. I really kind of missed it.

After that crazy deadline, I don't think any other deadline could ever be as scary or intimidating. I know now that I can meet it, no matter what. And that feels really good to know.

Thankful

I'm thankful I'm even able to write this now. I almost died this morning. I'm not even joking. I was at the hospital for a regular procedure but a nurse made a mistake, a rather big one and it nearly killed me. My blood pressure plummeted, I started to sweat profusely, I had difficulty breathing and my eyesight was slowly going dark. Ilyn was panicking and crying. It was so hard to breathe and speak and reassure her, but I couldn't even reassure myself. I was scared too. I knew what had happened and how possibly fatal that mistake could be. I didn't want to go, I thought. I still had pages to ink! I had a deadline! But that was me trying to find some humor in the situation, but it was dead serious. I could really go. For real. I fought really hard to stay because I didn't want to go. I still have so much to do. Ilyn and I still have so much life to share. But I also realized that there are things that are just beyond my control.

Thankfully, a senior nurse came in and practically saved my life. I'm so thankful to him. Thankful that I'm still here. Thankful that Ilyn and I are still together. I spent the afternoon resting and by the evening I was well enough to do some work. It seems that this deadline won't get the better of me after all.

Thanks Wendell Desaluna. I owe you my life. Thanks to Rizelle Serrano for the emotional support. I'm really lucky to have you guys in my life.

Together

I saw a crime documentary on You Tube once. There was a married couple who had been together for more than 20 years. When the husband decided to work at home, within a few months they decided to split up because they "saw too much of each other". I read an article about long time Japanese couples who finally live together after a lifetime of working hard at their respective jobs.  They split up because they realized they really didn't know each other.

I really don't understand, specially the first case. "Saw too much of each other" as a reason for splitting up? Me and Ilyn have rarely been apart in the 15 years we've been together. We spend almost all our time together. Sometimes we'd spend weeks just in the house, specially our room. We talk. We Internet, we work. We talk some more. We talk a lot. We never run out of things to say. When we're apart it feels like there's a part of my own body that's missing. Other people wonder what the hell we do in our room that we spend so much time in it. But that's just it. We're pretty boring to other people I guess. But to each other we're not.

I think Ilyn is stronger than me. If I go before her, I think she'll be strong and go on. If she goes before me, I think I'll just waste away. I really believe that. Spending so much time together... if somehow she's no longer here it's like someone took a sword and split me in half. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for my dad and my brother, who both lost their life partners. It's been years and they're still both hurting. I don't think I'll be as strong as them.

I wish we'd be together, you know, FOREVER. I know there's no such thing as forever. I scoffed at the word "forever" when I was younger. Every time I heard that in a song, you'd hear my snort from a block a way. It's juvenile. It's irritatingly idealistic and unrealistic. There comes a time in your life though, when "forever" takes on a new meaning. When you want to embrace it and live in it, hand in hand with someone who means the most to you.

Take it away, Rick.