Thursday, May 4, 2017


I saw a crime documentary on You Tube once. There was a married couple who had been together for more than 20 years. When the husband decided to work at home, within a few months they decided to split up because they "saw too much of each other". I read an article about long time Japanese couples who finally live together after a lifetime of working hard at their respective jobs.  They split up because they realized they really didn't know each other.

I really don't understand, specially the first case. "Saw too much of each other" as a reason for splitting up? Me and Ilyn have rarely been apart in the 15 years we've been together. We spend almost all our time together. Sometimes we'd spend weeks just in the house, specially our room. We talk. We Internet, we work. We talk some more. We talk a lot. We never run out of things to say. When we're apart it feels like there's a part of my own body that's missing. Other people wonder what the hell we do in our room that we spend so much time in it. But that's just it. We're pretty boring to other people I guess. But to each other we're not.

I think Ilyn is stronger than me. If I go before her, I think she'll be strong and go on. If she goes before me, I think I'll just waste away. I really believe that. Spending so much time together... if somehow she's no longer here it's like someone took a sword and split me in half. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for my dad and my brother, who both lost their life partners. It's been years and they're still both hurting. I don't think I'll be as strong as them.

I wish we'd be together, you know, FOREVER. I know there's no such thing as forever. I scoffed at the word "forever" when I was younger. Every time I heard that in a song, you'd hear my snort from a block a way. It's juvenile. It's irritatingly idealistic and unrealistic. There comes a time in your life though, when "forever" takes on a new meaning. When you want to embrace it and live in it, hand in hand with someone who means the most to you.

Take it away, Rick.

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