After thinking about it for a year, I made the decision last night. I'm going to publish Gerry's five finished stories that he wasn't able to release. The stories are finished but they're not scripted. It feels so wrong that I'm the only one who knows them when they're amazing stories that people should know about.
Is it the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. Would Gerry like it? He wanted to be in control of his stories, that's for sure. When I do this, he'd probably visit me in my sleep and express his disappointment, so I don't know. But like I said, it feels wrong that I'm the only one, and a few people for a couple of those, who know them. I want people to know that he had these stories; had he the time and energy to do them, they'd be out a long time ago.
But here's the thing. They're unscripted and I would I need to find a match. If I can't find a match, I won't do it. And rest your worries because I won't do it myself. I'm not delusional. I know my place. Besides. You've seen my writing; it's just atrociously all over the place, and not made for telling stories. I was an excellent sounding board, though, there was that.
When he started questioning his place in the industry just a few years after we got married, and trying whatever, he was very sensitive about it. So, I was tentative all like, "Hani, your gift is in storytelling, both in words and pictures. I hope you can embrace that and give it a chance." It was like walking on eggshells, but I had to say it. I wouldn't let his shine dim just because he didn't realize what he's really got. If only you guys know just how much more that light could shine if he had the time. That's why I want these stories out.
I love how Gerry wrote, and I was very open to him about this. I did verbal reviews of his comics and blog entries to his face. haha! I fell in love with his writing long after we got together, though, because I had never read them until then. It's not really the stories; it's about how he wrote them. He was raw, intense and, as overused as it is, authentic. That certain melancholia to his writing, that's what I connected to. If there's humor, it was never self-deprecating or overcompensating. He never tried to impress or preach. They were just... there. And yeah, it was in his comics that he was most honest.
And that's what I would need to find to have those stories scripted. I have to do research. I realized last night, as I laid down to sleep, that I'd need to read a lot of other people's works to find a match. And another issue altogether to get them to agree. I'd need to fall in love with someone's writing in the same way I did for his a long time ago, and that'd be quite a feat for me. That's for sure.
As for the artists, I would need to find a match as well. I don't know if that's an easier or harder thing to do than finding a writer, but hey. It's Gerry. In the end, this is about Gerry and telling the world of his stories. But like I said above, if I don't find a match, it's cancelled.
This is where I am right now. I just thought I'd share.
by Ilyn Florese-Alanguilan
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